Police seized $1.2 in drugs and arrested 194 fans during Phish's three-night reunion celebration. But inviting people to a Phish reunion and then arresting them for possession just sort of feels like entrapment. It all smells a bit Phish-y to me. HA HA HA!

Also, did you see this picture of James Franco asleep in class? He's looking pretty dream-y. HA HA HA!

It's dawning on me that I need a new job, and the reasons are twofold (really, I'm sure I could come up with more folds, but there are two I'm concerned with right now).

The first, I realized that on days when I work less than four hours in a day (which is two to three times a week), I'm only making $25. Plus tips if I'm delivering, but you never know what that will yield.

Secondly, and this is the big one, our uniform consists of jeans or khakis and a company t-shirt, or, in the summer, denim or khaki shorts and a company t-shirt. And our t-shirts have to be tucked in. Which is fine in store because you're wearing an apron, but on deliveries I'll just be walking around in denim or khaki shorts with my t-shirt tucked in, and I'm going to look like such a gaytard.


In other news, you should look at this three-year-old elephant who stepped on a landmine (sad), and now has a prosthetic leg. Because she's a total super cutie.



Also, after being arrested for drunk-driving in pursuit of blowjob, Charles Barkley spent 36 hours in the jail of super-racist Phoenix sheriff Joe Arapaio. On the bright side, he spent his 36 hours trying to learn a second language, electing to read The Complete Idiot's Guide to Spanish. You see that nativists? (Arapaio, I'm looking at you.) Even Charles Barkley understands the importance of bilingualism. It's time to fall in.

FYI, McDonald's is refusing to pay workers' compensation to an employee who was shot three times after ejecting a man who attacked a female customer. Says McDonald's, preventing violence against women isn't in his job description.



If I ever ate at McDonald's I would certainly stop now. What I won't stop doing, however, is peeing in their bathrooms on road trips. If I didn't have such serious phobias about anyone ever in any way being able to tell when I'm peeing, I might even start peeing elsewhere in the store.

The strangest thing happened last night. I took a delivery to this house, and it was kind of creepy from the start because there was no porch light and there didn't seem to be any lights on in the house. So I ring the doorbell, and I can hear some voices inside, and then this lady opens the door whilst talking on the phone and smoking a cigarette, but never turning the lights on. I give her the food, and she hands me a check, and then says "Keep the rest." I mumble a thank you, and start to walk away, thinking that she was probably mocking me because she didn't leave a tip.

But then I look down and the check is made out for $30. Her order was $11. It doesn't make any sense. Why would she do that? I did keep the money, but I felt weird about it.

I'm still astounded. The only explanation I can come up with is that I think before she opened the door I heard somebody say "He's cute." So, as it turns out, I can make it on my looks alone. I always had a feeling.