As you may know, in his 1920 presidential campaign, Warren G. Harding promised a "return to normalcy," which sparked a debate about whether or not "normalcy" was a real word, and the answer was, well yes, technically, but not really, no. And today, as he so often does, my dad one-upped Warren G. Harding, by using the word "normalacy."

My brother loves buying high-tech shit--which seems to be a common trait among dudes after going into the military--so when it came time to buy a swing for Javier, he just had to go with the Graco sweetpeace Newborn Soothing Center. Not only does it swing at six speeds, it also has a speaker to play soothing sounds. Like waves or a forest during a rainstorm. Or stomach noises. Which I find weird (not the idea behind the stomach noises, mind you, but the actual sound).

Also, it has a jack for an mp3 player. So I've been playing music to Javi and seeing how he responds. He responded well to Belle & Sebastian, by which I mean that he sat calmly. He didn't take to the Smiths as much, but he was also hungry at the time. Or pooping, I can't remember which. So it might be worth another try.

Less cute, more disgusting, we went out to lunch at a chicken place called Zaxby's today. And the food was actually really good, but then we got back in the truck and my dad kept burping disgusting chicken burps. And then the air conditioner blew them straight back into my face. It was so gross.

I met my nephew Javier for the first time today. He may only be nine weeks old, but the kid is a pro at staring contests. He never blinks first, so I only win when he gets bored and looks away.

Currently camped out at the HoJo's in West Memphis, AR, en route to Little Rock. Somethings I noticed along the way:

In Missouri, I saw a turtle crossing the freeway. That's a race he probably didn't win.

As you drive further south in Illinois, the names of places get increasingly suggestive. It starts with Dix (which I guess is really less of a suggestion and more of a statement). Then comes Lick Creek, and I don't know what exactly that suggests, but it does sound suggestive, right? Then there's Dongola, my personal favorite. And finally there's Mound City, accessible by Mounds Rd. Not to be outdone, Missouri has its own Cooter and Arkansas a Bald Knob.

Apparently I'm 12.

Goddam, I love the smell of lilacs.

Mexicans from Mexico

What can I tell you?

I got offered a management position at the sub shop. But I turned it down. Because if you're a delivery driver, when people ask what you do, you can be all, "Oh, I drive deliveries... but it's just a summer job." But if you have to say you manage a sub shop, that's like saying you're committed to selling subs. And nobody wants that. Also, I wouldn't get to deliver any more, and the only reason I can tolerate this job in the first place is because I get to leave constantly.

Speaking of which, I took a delivery today to the local TV station, only it required a signature from someone from the local newspaper who was coming over for a meeting. But I was way early and she was kind of late, so I got to sit in the lobby and watch the Price is Right. On the clock. Drew Carey is kind of awkward as the host. He has to touch people a lot, and he doesn't seem comfortable with it. And he doesn't seem to be able to pretend that the show isn't bullshit.

Anyway, getting back to work, the other day some corporate stooges came to check up on us. At one point, one of them was talking about being afraid to fly while there's swine flu out there, and specifically he expressed fears of being seated next to "some Mexicans from Mexico." He's a real shining star. This points to what seems to be the most significant effect of swine flu so far as I can tell, which is that it has increased anti-immigrant feelings, which translate more generally to anti-Latina/o feelings, because, you know, we're all immigrants or something. Anyway, any Chicana/o blog worth its beans has already written about this, so I won't retread that ground.

And speaking of Latina blogs, Guanabee just posted this article about a bull penis turned walking stick for sale on eBay. The seller had this to say:

“36″ WALKING STICK from BULL PENIS with Steel Rod No handle. This cane was made from a bull penis, shaped with, cured and given a hard epoxy finish for years for durability. My father has made these for many years and given them to friends. An unusual sort of cane that is useful but also a conversation piece.”

I imagine the conversations that ensue to go something like this:

"Dude, is that a bull penis?"
"Hell, yeah."
"Awesome."