In this dream I had the other night, there were a couple women who I'm pretty sure do porn. But it wasn't a sex dream. I was just waiting for them to leave so I could use the bathroom.

Life lesson learned: if you have to finish a beer in a hurry, don't brush your teeth immediately after. Because you will burp, and you will spray toothpaste everywhere.

To paraphrase Eazy-E, baby carrots in my lap, and they're freezing my balls.

Often when I come home drunk, I decide that's a good time to catch up on emails I've left unanswered, so I'll shoot off like eight in a row. I've stopped answering student emails, but it's about the only time I manage to write to my mom.

One thing I've noticed about it is that while my spelling doesn't suffer (even if my typing does), my confidence in my ability to spell is severely diminished. So if I ever send you an email in which common words are spelled correctly, but followed by a '(sp?)', that might be a tell.

For Halloween this year, I was thinking of dressing as a "colored" pencil, which would just be me being Mexican (like I do) inside a pencil costume. But I don't think anyone would get it in Canada, first because you can't make jokes about race in Canada, but also because they call colo(u)red pencils "pencil crayons". I'm generally very happy to be living in Canada, but things like pencil crayons give me pause.

Have you heard of this thing "Internet"?

I always almost go to bed at a decent hour, but then I find something on the internet that demands my immediate attention. Last night it was finding out that Johnny Cash starred in a 1961 crime thriller called Five Minutes to Live (alternate title Door-to-Door Maniac):



And also that Marlon Brando played Emiliano Zapata (in brownface) in a 1952 movie called Viva Zapata!, written by John Steinbeck:



The night before it was finding out that Kate Bush covered Elton John's "Rocket Man", which was maybe one of the most important discoveries of my life:



I should make it a rule that I have to put away the internet by 11:30.

According to the internet, Christina Aquilera is currently collaborating with Le Tigre. This is really weird and potentially way awesome.

I feel like there was something else I wanted to tell you.