Have you heard of this thing "Internet"?

I always almost go to bed at a decent hour, but then I find something on the internet that demands my immediate attention. Last night it was finding out that Johnny Cash starred in a 1961 crime thriller called Five Minutes to Live (alternate title Door-to-Door Maniac):



And also that Marlon Brando played Emiliano Zapata (in brownface) in a 1952 movie called Viva Zapata!, written by John Steinbeck:



The night before it was finding out that Kate Bush covered Elton John's "Rocket Man", which was maybe one of the most important discoveries of my life:



I should make it a rule that I have to put away the internet by 11:30.

According to the internet, Christina Aquilera is currently collaborating with Le Tigre. This is really weird and potentially way awesome.

I feel like there was something else I wanted to tell you.

As you may know, in his 1920 presidential campaign, Warren G. Harding promised a "return to normalcy," which sparked a debate about whether or not "normalcy" was a real word, and the answer was, well yes, technically, but not really, no. And today, as he so often does, my dad one-upped Warren G. Harding, by using the word "normalacy."

My brother loves buying high-tech shit--which seems to be a common trait among dudes after going into the military--so when it came time to buy a swing for Javier, he just had to go with the Graco sweetpeace Newborn Soothing Center. Not only does it swing at six speeds, it also has a speaker to play soothing sounds. Like waves or a forest during a rainstorm. Or stomach noises. Which I find weird (not the idea behind the stomach noises, mind you, but the actual sound).

Also, it has a jack for an mp3 player. So I've been playing music to Javi and seeing how he responds. He responded well to Belle & Sebastian, by which I mean that he sat calmly. He didn't take to the Smiths as much, but he was also hungry at the time. Or pooping, I can't remember which. So it might be worth another try.

Less cute, more disgusting, we went out to lunch at a chicken place called Zaxby's today. And the food was actually really good, but then we got back in the truck and my dad kept burping disgusting chicken burps. And then the air conditioner blew them straight back into my face. It was so gross.

I met my nephew Javier for the first time today. He may only be nine weeks old, but the kid is a pro at staring contests. He never blinks first, so I only win when he gets bored and looks away.

Currently camped out at the HoJo's in West Memphis, AR, en route to Little Rock. Somethings I noticed along the way:

In Missouri, I saw a turtle crossing the freeway. That's a race he probably didn't win.

As you drive further south in Illinois, the names of places get increasingly suggestive. It starts with Dix (which I guess is really less of a suggestion and more of a statement). Then comes Lick Creek, and I don't know what exactly that suggests, but it does sound suggestive, right? Then there's Dongola, my personal favorite. And finally there's Mound City, accessible by Mounds Rd. Not to be outdone, Missouri has its own Cooter and Arkansas a Bald Knob.

Apparently I'm 12.

Goddam, I love the smell of lilacs.